04:22:00
When
I see men who have little or no respect for women..like the donkey who
said on Twitter that any woman who uses a phone that is more expensive
than N30, 000 is a prostitute, because there is no way she can buy such a
phone with her money - I put most of the blame on the mother!
Illustrative photo
“Kolade, come and flush the toilet” I was so shocked to hear this
statement from my uncle. I mean, he walked out of the toilet after using
it and asked his son to come flush the toilet for him! I’ve always
known that my uncle is lazy when it comes to house chores (even the
basic ones) – no thanks to my Grandmother – but hearing him call on
someone to come flush was a bit too much.
My uncles are like kings with the way my grandmother treats them.
There is this preferential treatment she gives them over her female
children. Till now, my grandmother serves & packs plates once any of
my uncles is done eating while visiting her. They can do no wrong in
her eyes. Simply because they are men!
When I was growing up and saw how my grandmother treated my uncles,
I assumed it was normal for boys to sit and expect everything to be
done by girls until I overheard a relative scolding my grandmother. I
remember her saying about her own kids “just because her boys brought
penis to the world doesn’t mean she will slave in the kitchen with their
sisters while they are sitting down doing nothing.
How are they going to be useful for themselves when they are on
their own?” I found the statement a bit funny then and forgot about it
until five years ago when my uncle lost his wife. He couldn’t take care
of the kids, house on his own. It was so bad that the kids had to stay
with their aunt.
I know of a family friend who starved himself and the kids just
because he was too lazy to make eba and microwave soup when the wife was
out for a day!
Please know that this is not a men-bashing article. I am just
trying to open our eyes to what the root of the problem is – the
Mothers! Yes! The superwomen, the wonderwomen, the matriarchs of the
families. If a mother decides to neglect to train her sons accordingly
and makes them feel entitled to everything, when the boys become men,
they will only act the way they were brought up to act!
When I see men who have little or no respect for women – like the
donkey who said on Twitter that any woman who uses a phone that is more
expensive than N30, 000 is a prostitute, because there is no way she can
buy such a phone with her money – I put most of the blame on the
mother! The way the society expects a young lady to be well-behaved
courtesy of her mother, is the same way a mother is supposed to train
her son not to look down on women just because they have a different
device!
When the Senate rejected the Gender Equality bill, a lot of people
said it is not about woman rights but human rights and I agree! Let us
put aside gender equality, this is about fairness. I am asking you that
you treat me the same way you would want me to treat you.
Christians are quick to quote the Bible that women should submit to
their husbands but play a very strong ignorance game when it comes to
how husbands should treat their wives! If as a man, I wouldn’t want
another man to pick on me, beat me to coma, emotionally abuse me, then
why would I want to do that to a woman I promised to love & cherish?
If as a man, I cannot bear the thought of someone raping me, then why
would I think it is okay to force myself on women?
Inside of us, we have the abilities to either be good or evil, it
is our choice to be whichever we want to be. I went through a very
traumatic experience about a couple of months ago. At first, the
perpetrator was trying to act as if he did nothing wrong, then I asked
him how he would feel if such a thing was done to his sister, his
countenance changed immediately and he said “I would kill such a guy”.
We can talk about gender equality from now till Jesus comes, but
there will be no results if it is not dealt with from the foundation.
Parents (especially mothers) need to take this serious; teach your sons
to respect people irrespective of their gender, sexuality, societal
positions, educational background etc.
I was shocked the day a pastor said it to the whole congregation
that he never saw it fit to help his wife carry a baby just because she
is cooking, that that is why God gave a back – to back the baby while
cooking. His own baby, not another man’s baby o.
As you are teaching your girls to be domesticated and not to be
promiscuous, you should be teaching your boys to be responsible and how
to lend a helping hand. Please teach them that it will not shorten the
length of their hardware if they enter the kitchen to help, teach them
that it is right to respect not just you but other women. Teach them to
control themselves around girls and not turn to beast. Teach them the
valued golden rule “treat others as you want them to treat you”. As you
are telling your girls to submit to their husbands, also tell your boys
to love their wives as they would love themselves.
Of course, there are people who will still go astray despite the
teachings but I believe things will improve greatly if Mothers start
from the foundation. This is not to say there are no men who do not help
with chores or who do not believe a woman should be ambitious. I mean,
we came to love beans in my house just because my father used to cook it
and there were times he would happily enter the kitchen to cook soups;
these things didn’t make him less of a man, in fact, it made us respect
& love him the more.
Fathers, don’t leave everything for the mothers, be the kind of man
you would want your sister / daughter to get married to. Love &
cherish your wife so that your sons can see and learn from you.
Forget gender equality, just be fair and treat people (men and women) the way you would want them to treat you.
About the Author:
Tomisin Magz - I am not a professional writer but I love expressing
myself through words. I have an insane love for Mathematics &
Chemistry (Organic Chemistry especially).
***Written pieces and
contributions on this platform are the opinions of the writers only and
do not represent the opinions of NEWS ON THE NIGER
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